Uttc's Blog

Feb. 18

Finally, some good news to report.  I’m actually feeling better the past couple of days.  I have a little bit of energy.  I have slept completely though the night the past two nights.  My bowel problems have improved so that I’m not afraid to eat.  Still not perfect digestion, but MUCH better than a week ago.  And, I can start to taste certain foods on the rear part of my tongue now.  Taste food!!!  That’s something I haven’t done in a while.

My hearing is still shot, but that won’t ever change, or so I’m still told.  Its just maddening.

As for the cancer, I won’t have a CT scan until the end of March, so I won’t know anything until then.  That will be a baseline, so I really won’t know if tumors are growing until a CT scan later in June or July.  Until then, its just live on and wonder.  I won’t be doing any chemo again regardless of the outcome.  It is what it is, but no more poison in my body. 

Now the question is, can I work and function in society with my hearing so damaged?  Only time will tell.  Hopefully everything else will return to something resembling normal in terms of taste, energy, and my digestive tract.

Feb. 9

If it’s not one damn thing, its another.

My blood test today showe my red blood cell count at 21, dangerously low.  Doctor doesn’t want it below 20, and its been falling for two weeks, so I need ANOTHER transfusion of blood tomorrow.  Digestive system is a little better, but still not right.  All other side effects remain unchanged  (deaf, no taste, no appetite, etc). 

If I can get lucky with two units of someone else’s blood again, it may be just what I need for some energy back.  If not, well, its been a good life I guess.  This will make 4 units of someone else’s blood, and that’s probably as dangerous as anything.  We all “carry” something.  Hopefully its relatively clean.

Feb. 5

OK, somewhat better news today.  I’m not feeling any worse, and have actually made fewer trips to the bathroom so far.  I slept MUCH better last night for the first time in several(only got up twice),  and have a tiny bit of appetite.

I still have all the miserable symptoms, but less severe, and less frequent than a co9uple of days ago.  Maybe I’ve seen the worst.  I sure hope so.  This has been the toughest week of my life,  physically.  Still have zero energy or strength.  But, maybe more good news in the days and weeks ahead?  Bring it on!

Feb. 3

Just fucking great.

Some kind of irritable bowel syndrome.  Hell, I’d rather have cancer, I think.  This is miserable.  When I have to go to the bathroom, which is every hour or two, and sometimes several times an hour, I have to go NOW!  If I don’t make it in 10 seconds, I wouldn’t make it at all.  So far, I’ve been lucky in that respect.

This is terrible though.  Not sure if its Crohns Disease or Ulcerative Colitis or Diverticulitis or what the hell.  I’ve never felt worse in my life though.

Yesterday I had blood drawn and met with the doctor.  Blood counts were within expected range.  I was infused with fluids though, since I couldn’t keep hydrated.  I’ve lost 11 pounds in 10 days, and I only weigh 131!  (5’7″)

I ate this morning for the first time in over 48 hours.  So far, no nausea.  But, the gas, diarreah, bloating, burning, pain, and bleeding are the worst things I’ve ever experienced.  And the pain from the abdomen and lower back all the way down to the exit hole is excrutiating and constant.  I’m sleeping only due to sleeping/pain meds.

Sorry to be so negative, but this is a warning to anyone considering chemo, and also a place for my whining hurting ass to vent a little.  I’m regretting getting chemo at this moment more than I ever have since day one.  I might have blown it.  I DID have some quality time left, probably quite a bit.  I hope I didnt’ throw what I had left away when I ok’d the chemo.  Being deaf, and not being able to be more than 10 seconds from a toilet is NOT living by my standards.

Maybe things will get better.  They damn well better!!!

If I could just get out and do SOMETHING.  I haven’t been able to do squat, except squat, for many weeks now.  I’ll keep this posted.

Feb. 1

I’m down for the fu**ing count now.  My ass has never been more sore, due to diarrea, gas, and mucus continually coming out my stool.  Its hourly.  I stopped eating yesterday, but there’s still crud inside me.  Add to that my body aching in every joint and muscle, and I can honestly say I’ve never in my life been more miserable.  Never.  Not sea sickness.  Not Gastroenteritis (which I’m starting to think I have.)  Just miserable from head to toe.  My dr’s appointment is at 10:10 am in the morning, if I can make it until then.

Knocked flat on my ass, literally.